tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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