Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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