Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
