1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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