She said her name was "party"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
