great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
