This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
