we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
