going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
