that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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