Well apparently he's into motor boating.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
