I wish i was in the wii world.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
