Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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