so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
