Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
