Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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