So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
