somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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