There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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