I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it's like iHOP with fire
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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