Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize