Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
