hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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