I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize