Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
