Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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