YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize