Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
