Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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