I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
