Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
