So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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