dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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