$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize