I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
