I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
