I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
