Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
