Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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