Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
