I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
