dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
