Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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