I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
