Im at strip club and am horny
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
