I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
