So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have fence marks all over my body
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
