I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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