Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Fuck appropriateness.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
