Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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