who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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