what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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