Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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