apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
