i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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