Soap is not a condiment
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
