i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
