That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
