Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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