I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I cockslap morals
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
