508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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