I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
