operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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