So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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