so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
