Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
