he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
