I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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